“We gave the BigSound 2012 schedule to one of our interns and asked him to prepare us an itinerary of some great gigs to go to and where & when our clients are playing. Instead, because he isn’t coming up to the conference, he took a 3 hour lunch break and wrote an imagined account of what he thought his 2012 BigSound would’ve looked like if he’d been allowed to go”

Tuesday, September 11

Get to Brisbane at lunch time, well before BigSound even starts – the law firm I’m interning for are too cheap to spring for the more expensive early evening flights. Meet an English backpacker on the Skytrain, and end up getting drunk with her at the Down Under bar and dancing to Wreckx-n-Effect’s “Rumpshaker”. I hope this isn’t the musical highlight of my trip.

Apparently the dudes from some place called SPA have put a card behind the bar, but I later realise they’ve got a card behind every bar in the Valley. I did do some good networking with a Canadian DJ named ‘Rumple Beatskin’ who I gave a firm profile to. Pretty sure my law school friends are eating caviar in a toney, wood-panelled club somewhere back in Melbourne.

Wednesday, September 12

I miss an accounting panel at 12.30 because I’m too autistic to deal with numbers. Last night was ordering tin & gonics at the bar, not sure if this bodes well for a career in the law.

My boss Stephen King is doing a panel at 3.30 in the afternoon. I have to go to this because he gave me a pre-prepared question that he said he was going to ‘slam dunk’. It was actually a really good panel, especially when a lawyer from one of the other firms said the industry was run by a secret society comprising the major record labels, John Farnham, and Colonel Sanders.  I asked Yasmin Naghavi from our office if this was true and she said “of course not” and gave me a really funny smile.

There’s some sic label parties on so I tag along with my other boss David Vodicka. He doesn’t really drink so I spend the whole time going in the mosh pit to ‘watch the bands’ but am actually drinking some peach schnapps I bought in the Brunswick Street Mall. “Oh Mercy” kill it and I like what the lead singer does with the egg shaker – sure as hell beats all those electronic drums that most bands use.

Over the rest of the night I see some of the following acts: Jeremy Neale (who is performing in a dress), Fishing (who look nothing like Rex Hunt), Flume (who is probably the youngest genuine rockstar I’ve seen so far), Grey Ghost (badass),  Phebe Starr (babe moment), the Falls, 44th Sunset, Millions (I pronounced their name like Eddie McGuire would say it – mulllions), The Troubles with Templeton, Clairy Brown, Velociraptor (that dress guy x 13, they killed it), Shady Lane (they seemed happier than I expected from their band name), Fantine (who also looked nothing like the girl from Les Miserables) and Tiger Town (rad band). I end up at some American guy’s party drinking Scotch and talking to Jeremy Neale who is still wearing the dress. With each drink he gets cuter and cuter.

Thursday, September 13

I wake up early having a minor hangover panic attack. I look at my watch and see it’s 6.30am – and I’ve fallen asleep on a demo from a band called Tiger Beams… I’m not sure what that means.

I check my phone and I’ve had 6 missed calls and texts from lawyers at Media Arts Lawyers, one of which is from Julian Hewitt and says “if you don’t come back with the caviar that we asked for in 10 minutes don’t bother coming to work next week”.

I fall asleep again and wake up at lunchtime. I can’t handle any conference stuff, and I’m scared that bearded guy from AIR is going to see me and make me have another “Fruit Tingle” cocktail, so I walk down to the Southbank pool to get away from all the conference activity. I have to hide under my towel because I keep seeing lawyers from my firm sitting down with record label people having hushed conversations and shaking hands – why are they doing these meetings out of sight of the conference? I see John Farnham float past on a li-lo eating a Zinger burger and I get a funny feeling in my stomach and head back to my hostel.

There are so many good gigs that I see tonight:

Split Seconds, Oliver Tank (not as well built as his name implied), The Cairos (didn’t play Walk Like an Egyptian which I thought surprising), Mosman Alder, Loon Lake, Saskwatch (danced my ass off), Courtney Barnett (she played a song about self-pleasure, what a legend), Elizabeth Rose, Tin Sparrow, Art of Sleeping, New Navy, Argentina (I danced in a flamenco style, no one laughed), Hey Geronimo, Royston Vasey (I kept calling out “are you local” and, again, no one laughed).

I end up at the SPA party and get a call from one of my law school friends who is in town and wants to get in downstairs – I tell him “sorry mate, this is work for me – I wouldn’t try to crash one of your client functions” and go back to the dancefloor to bust some moves to “Do the Bartman”. If there was a way to get paid for this job it’d be pretty cool.

We aren’t sure whether our intern is going to ever be allowed to go to BigSound, but hell he did have some nice suggestions of what/who to see at BigSound this year. David, Stephen, Julian and Yasmin will be floating around the Valley between Tuesday and Friday – so feel free to introduce yourself in (person or by email) if you have any legal questions. You’ll probably catch them at any number of these panels and showcases:

Wednesday, September 12
Self-regulating the Australian Music Industry– Facilitated By Stephen King – Media Arts Lawyers – 3:30pm Making sense of royalties– Presented by White Sky Royalty Accounting Services – 12:30pm Jeremy Neale– 8:00-8:30 (Rics) Fishing– 8:00-8:30 (Magic City) Sons of Rico– 8:50-9:20 (Channel V Stage) Flume– 8:50-9:20 (Magic City) Bearhug– 9:10-9:40 (Press Club) Boy In A Box– 9:10-9:40 (Electric Playground)The Falls– 9:10-9:40 (Triple J Unearthed Stage)Grey Ghost– 9:10-9:40 (Alhambra)Winter People – 9:40-10:10 (Channel V Stage)

Clairy Browne & The Bangin’ Rackettes – 9:40-10:10 (Bakery Lane)

44th Sunset – 9:40-10:10 (Rics)

Phebe Starr – 10:00-10:30 (Triple J Unearthed Stage)

Kingswood – 10:00-10:30 (Electric Playground)

The Delta Riggs – 10:00-10:30 (Black Bear Lodge)

Violent Soho – 10:30-11:00 (QMusic Stage)

The Trouble With Templeton – 10:50-11:20 (Alhambra)

Millions – 10:50-11:20 (Electric Playground)

Shady Lane – 11:20-11:50 (Rics)

Velociraptor – 11:20-11:50 (QMusic Stage)

Fantine – 11:40-12:10 (Black Bear Lodge)

Tigertown – 11:40-12:10 (Alhambra)


Thursday, September 13
Split Seconds– 8:00-8:30 (Magic City) The Cairos– 8:00-8:30 (QMusic Stage) Mosman Alder– 8:20-8:50 (Alhambra) Oliver Tank– 8:50-9:20 (Bakery Lane) The Paper Kites– 8:50-9:20 (Magic City) Loon Lake– 8:50-9:20 (QMusic Stage) Hey Geronimo– 8:50-9:20 (Channel V Stage) Ellesquire– 9:10-9:40 (The Tempo Hotel)Saskwatch– 9:40-10:10 (QMusic Stage)Cub Scouts– 9:40-10:10 (Magic City)Courtney Barnett – 10:00-10:30 (Triple J Unearthed Stage)

Elizabeth Rose – 10:00-10:30 (Press Club)

Tin Sparrow – 10:30-11:00 (CMC Stage)

New Navy – 10:50-11:20 (Alhambra)

Argentina – 10:50-11:20 (Triple J Unearthed Stage)

The Growl – 11:20-11:50 (Rics)

Art of Sleeping – 11:40-12:10 (Triple J Unearthed)

Royston Vasie – 11:40-12:10 (Electric Playground)